Little Bird Poetry

 I try so hard to let it go All of it But instead I simply lose my grip on all of it I've strayed so far from the life I wanted That I've lost the path At some points I've just stopped walking I'm exhausted It never really seems like I'm getting any closer To what  I want It's easier to feel numb Than to risk the feeling of pain This life has decided to give me the death of a thousand cuts And this year has gutted me I stopped trying to frantically pick up every piece Stopped crawling on my hands and knees Picking up each minuscule shard I just let it go It's easier to be pretty when your stomach is empty anyway.

 I hold her so close her little face bright eyes meeting mine I feel so whole seeing my bundle of love reflecting my own smile her hair is so soft one day I wonder if she'll grow it out like mine the air is warm the smell of dinner fills my nose summer evening light pours into the windows a soft breeze gently billowing the thin curtains  he smiles as we enter the kitchen we lay her down for sleep our little one I swear I can feel her tiny heartbeat on my fingertips as I carefully tuck her in so tiny my little girl I wake up The air is cold The room is dark And I am left empty once again

 The cards hit the table All faces showing hearts  I know this isn't a game I should play But there isn't another I know I might win I gamble away my years Shuffling the deck As if it might somehow turn out another way I have yet to draw an Ace Each time my hopes dashed By moves Hands I never see coming I'm so deep at this table That my mind thinks of nothing else And my legs refuse to carry me away So instead I start the next bottle In hopes I win Or I drink myself into an early grave

 I wake up The stiffness of the air Chokes me It's another day In the same place I've struggled and failed in Every time I am here Time stops And never in a way that I can cherish It's all consuming Though I consume nothing at all It's draining Even though I'm not sure how much I have left to give Mistakes I've made Stuck to my skin like thorns As it gets harder To remember I'm breathing

 I am a very anxious person the outside world seems so frightening and unkind expressions on the faces of others seem so foreign so  cold I am so disconnected from the life I'd lived for so long it seems distant a faint whisper twisting through flesh this useless fucking mind of mine what is the fucking point of anything anymore everyday melts into the next smearing lines between the marijuana  and the reality I have so gracefully lost grip  on what feelings are I am so numb sedated and absent my soft folds in my mind folded and tucked just so that each train of thought just  disappears  it all just stops I constantly  foolishly  reach for hands out of reach my family has fallen apart I never see the sun bask in gentle sunrise  so soft warm its cold in the world these days  every ending of nerves dissolve I am so defeated Done the music is but a cheap imitation flipping through the albums of my mind looking for the track that connects th...

 Things will never work themselves out It's always something new Death Depression Pain Repeat My jaw aches  I eat the hit Every Single  Time No one lives up to their promises No one loves you for anything but themselves Most men only want to know you as deeply as they can get themselves inside of you It's a trap The idea of being happy For it only occurs in fleeting moments Begging to be chased Yet never staying too long Because it will never be about what you want Only the needs and wants of others It Simply Doesn't  Happen Never will I be privy to a nice life Or any realizations of the dreams  I've so desperately clung to Those fraying intertwines of fibers Sheared and spun From the deepest sinews of the heart My needs and wants Will always play second to the ego of another As at the end of the day Not everyone is destined for anything more Than laying next to a mass of flesh That echoes the sounds  Emulating reflections of yourself Love is blind For how ...

 Cool sanded wood greets my worn feet walls stretching infinitely before me here the morning light always dances through crystal panes the trains rumble in the distance birds now just beginning their serenade for the dew a time before any thought fully forms when peace is simply the only thing present the air just cold enough to get my skin to prickle my hair hangs just so  over my shoulders just brushing the small of my back I'm happy comfortable in my own skin maybe its raining  maybe there isn't a cloud to be seen it never really has mattered time does not ever cross the emptiness of my thoughts just feeling feeling joy never too loud but just enough to warm my chest  and keep me content frames grace the pale walls carefully arranged  each holding their own place in time throughout the years snapshots of the memories I can't forget  things lost to my spirals into the decades each frame my fingers brush  floods my senses  moments that make me wa...