Aging

-

 Things will never work themselves out

It's always something new

Death

Depression

Pain

Repeat

My jaw aches 

I eat the hit

Every

Single 

Time


No one lives up to their promises

No one loves you for anything but themselves

Most men only want to know you as deeply as they can get themselves inside of you


It's a trap


The idea of being happy

For it only occurs in fleeting moments

Begging to be chased

Yet never staying too long

Because it will never be about what you want

Only the needs and wants of others


It

Simply

Doesn't 

Happen


Never will I be privy to a nice life

Or any realizations of the dreams 

I've so desperately clung to

Those fraying intertwines of fibers

Sheared and spun

From the deepest sinews of the heart


My needs and wants

Will always play second to the ego of another

As at the end of the day

Not everyone is destined for anything more

Than laying next to a mass of flesh

That echoes the sounds 

Emulating reflections of yourself


Love is blind


For how long

Do I question the sanity of the soul

Repeat


It doesn't ever just stay ok

I'm going to spiral myself into insanity

Just at the thought

That I will ruin my life to the point 

Of only being the pride

To a man who sees me as less than

A pet

A womb

Not a woman


I not want of a lavish life

My whole heart aches only for genuine connection from my peers

To feel a connection 

To anything but glass lips

Who whisper what I want to hear

If only I never stop meeting them with my own


Life has no pity for us

If not joy then what

There is no purpose

No point

In much anything these days


I sit in my car

A foreign space

In a foreign place

Listening to the songs that muffle my cries

So strangers don't hear the screams from inside


How is it I was born undeserving of parents who gave to us emotionally 

As they did financially


Why is it I was not blessed

To marry young for love

Instead of barely making the money to stay alive


What is wrong with me

To have been chosen

To want to wander

I am no permanent structure in anyone's life

Not one has stayed

Once the fires came in

Instead I burned

Never to die

But to suffer instead the licks

While others around me bathed in cool waters

Never bothering to put me out

Unless it was to the curb


I fight these unseen shadows

Crying voices

So close

Yet out of reach

Echoing footsteps through my home

The broken reflections breathlessly watching every stride

Its all a mess

But that's life

Right?

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