Blue

 I push

You pull

I've waited all my life

To be pulled into you

All consuming

Yet reminiscent of a person my mind swears it once knew

It's you

It's always been you

A figure I'd never been able to make out in the fog

The burning sweet smell of smoke that's always lingering in my hair

From a cigarette that had always been on someone else's lips

I fall deeply

Madly into you

And I won't fight it

I've felt this feeling before

Alone

In the middle of the night with just the dim light of a lamp and a single candle flickering

Backed by the sound of the distant train

You were the echoing feeling of my own despair of wondering why that hole wasn't filling,

Alone

In the midst of North Eastern mountains,

You were the unseen presence, the shadow I spoke aloud to as if you were already there,

Divinely foreshadowed in the depths of existential introspection,

As if the heavenly wanted to foreshadow your arrival,

Alone

When I was knee to tile, unable to stand after the blows from the knuckles of a man who'd always be sure to kiss them first to beat me under the guise of affection,

You were the hand placed on my shoulder, silently telling me to rise and walk on,

Alone

When every step was excruciating, 

The droning static of trying to just keep moving forward without the ability to see anything clearly,

Our red thread that ties us pulling me on,

Because it was you waiting on the other end,

You've made my suffering,

All of it,

All of this time,

Every step on shards of glass too slim to see,

Every gasp from inhaling smoke that threatened to choke out the last ray of light,

Every sleepless night, every scar of which I won't share the story, every night I cried out to a void that was never ending, ceaseless, unforgiving,

You've made it feel like it had purpose.

Two people, whole, in and of themselves,

Finally meeting, completing a picture that neither knew wasn't finished.

////////

You've made every thing I've ever suffered feel like I completed the trials set forth for reckoning from the sins of lives that only the deepest parts of my soul remember experiencing,

In you, I have found the very things that we, as humans, seek over the course of hundreds of lifetimes, a thing that very few will ever vaguely even grasp could ever actually exist.

You see me, you are the void that I called to. You were the sounding board to every cry of frustration to faces of my past that begged to be understood, that begged to be seen. You have always been there, in idea, fantasy, prayer. 

You are the one I pondering of into the spiral of madness seeking, searching, desperately clawing my way through dried earth to uncover. 

And here you are, at last, my love.