Residuum

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No one will ever know me except in a reflection of who you were once. 

Not a single flame will ever burn brighter than the fire you lit within me.

No one will ever know of a version of me that will not carry the weight of the love that we lost.

Not any man who desires to speak to my soul will be able to do so without your name escaping my lips.

Your memory shall either dribble from the soft part of my lips like the sweetest ambrosia, or claw its way through the soft sinews of my cheeks, escaping from between ivory bars.

The sound of your name shall either be sung forth in hymns of joy, praises being to the way you once loved me,

or it is to be a cry that emanates from the deepest of my hollow depths, never to find refuge or comfort in the ears of another.

You are both the gentle moon, who's rising baths my inner gardens in pale blue light, allowing me to step in confidence and the sudden wildfire, set by another's lack of care, destroying everything that dares enter a space you once filled.

I care not for the sins, ripened by feverous commitment, for they are all but washed away by my own cries, muffled by the cradle of the night.

For everyday you shall rise without me, is a day I feel consumed by the ghost that you left.

It follows me, clung to my heels, baying for me.

I cannot bare its cries. I know the moment I turn, it too, is gone. I can bring it no solace.

I cannot bare my teeth without bringing forth a smile that you forged from my pain.

It has slowly started to drive me to madness.

For I, in myself, cannot be, without you, the one, who made me into what I am.

The only hope I dare to have is that one day, I am so different, there is not a single part of me that stems from your careful cropping and care, or, that you make me whole again.

If neither comes to be an option, I hope that when your soul greets mine, in another time or place, wraps me in a love I have not forgotten, and this time, not letting me go. 

For I feel as though I will bare this cross no matter the length that I walk. 

And by gods, am I getting tired.


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