Daddy Issues

-

 Dad,

I guess I'll never really understand it

the years of abuse I have endured from you

hair pulling 

nauseating 

nail splitting 

and screams

fueled by your own narcissistic desires

to destroy everyone else 

so that you might build yourself up on our ruins

why is it

you'd call me the whore 

when one of your blood was born by another woman

why is it 

you'd burn my belongings

while liquor burned your throat

why is it 

you'd tear apart my heart

when you never had one, to begin with

you are what authors use to craft a monster

cruelty without a cause

seemed to please you more than your wife

nothing was ever enough for you

all those nights spent stumbling upstairs 

outside sweating in the cold

dirty cigarettes laying at your feet

burying you in your own lusts

you've ruined my ability to love

as you never really loved me

you were supposed to be the man

to never break my heart

as your daughter 

I am ashamed to claim your blood

not a man in this world can ever be trusted

because I'd quietly hope you'd be the worst of them all

but the time you refused to allow me home

I saw what devils of men the world had to offer

no safety or warmth was ever from your hands

only a rough rope that you'd hope I'd one day hang myself with

I can't ever forget the shape your lips made

when you told me you hated me

the man who helped to give me life

staring into the eyes of his own

wishing aloud that light no longer came from them

making me wonder for years what would be the better revenge

to snuff the flame out 

or allow it to burn so bright that no one might see the darkness

that breeds behind amber pools

I flinch at the hands

who only seek to lift me up

as your's were the ones who tore me apart 

you seemed to always have something to say

but 

"I love you" 

was a phrase always sparingly used

and now you've gone

off to another den in which to taint

leaving me here to clean up the mess you made

I hope one day you wake up

to the realization

you're the problem

it never was me

or my mother

or my siblings

or your life

you've tried to dig six shallow graves in which to bury us 

but instead

put yourself six feet under

as your child 

the one thing you've always taught me is to show no mercy

and that is one thing you'll never see

"I'm sorry" 

is not in my vocabulary

as you are dead to me


Comments

  1. UnknownAugust 31, 2020 at 5:30 PM

    That was amazing, and getting that off your chest probably felt more releasing and the overwhelming roller coaster of emotions writing that was all worth it. So proud of you for writing this.

    ReplyDelete

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