Little Bird Poetry

I loved you with my whole heart And you left it to the birds Picking and tearing and ripping it apart Claiming it to be in safe keeping Standing just close enough that no one else can walk away with it But making no effort to hold it again You stare at it as it rots and call out your own words of suffering You watch the vultures rip the sinews As you pluck your own strings singing in self pitied sorrow What a melancholy song you play At the expense of my suffering I walk with my chest empty Not being allowed to retrieve it Being told I'm the selfish for wanting to fix it And once again take the rotting flesh to breathe new life into it You never screamed Never hit me But you still left me empty I loved you so much it bridged the space you forced between us I'm ready to burn it Warm my cold hands that have been deprived of circulation I'm so sick of waiting for you to decide to be the man  You once convinced me you were.

 My hands are shoved deep in my coat pockets The wind cutting and cold I barely look up as the cars fly past Fingertips brushing something I pull it out Seeing it It hits me like the Greyhound flying by A simple piece of paper Your name bared across it Grief It is the only receipt that love leaves us The only proof showing that it ever existed Forming a sucking chest wound A whirlpool so strong it cracks my sternum Bringing me to my knees Reminding me of why I can't love like that again Gritting my teeth and spitting out the blood From biting my tongue so hard  As to prevent myself from speaking your name I let you in like a front door swung wide Greeting an unfamiliar guest Allowing you to walk in With no regard as to how you may redecorate Rearrange Clean up  Clean out I'll never again be the same Yet you'll never be here to see it

 I wake from the floor Rising again with the sound of the alarms Shaking my soul from its slumber I look out across the hazy room Running my fingers across the rough wood The dust of days before settled in the knots and cracks I find myself lost again In the cycle of love and loss I rub the fading dreams from my face Whilst I stand in front of the mirror Looking back at me are the same eyes you gazed into  Pulling me from my shell Telling me that you loved me Allowing myself to foolishly believe it These eyes that you looked into Like crystal gazing pools Seeing the parts that rippled, flowed and raged Yet never thinking it any less beautiful I am consumed again with the emptiness It weighs heavy on my soul Even when in reality It is nothing I loved you the way songbirds love the spring The way cicadas love the lull of midsummer It filled me like the rumblings of a distant train Rattling and reverberating within my rib cage I long for you like the sun looking for the moon in t...

 Hey. My hair's grown longer since I saw you last. I've been growing out my bangs. I remember you saying you liked them long. My mom met a really good guy. She seems happier these days. We don't fight anymore. No, it's been years since I last dealt with him. He's simply a bad dream to me now. Something I flip through my fingers when I'm in deep thought sometimes. I got out. I broke it. That cycle that's haunted me nonstop. I've started healing. I know you'd be so proud of me. At least the untainted version of my memory of you seems like they would be. Although things seem to gave gotten better over time, I am blessed with a blue lens that overshadows my life. I see every moment with the past suffering echoing through the air. Sometimes I struggle with letting things go fully, as I seem to feel like if I ever truly let them go, they are somehow invalidated.  I don't think it's because I never loved you enough. I simply think it boils down to t...

 Feelings slip through my fingers Slicked satin ribbons Remaining tendrils of the mind Coils like writhing snakes The gentle knit unwinding as I pull Never a painless motion Tugging strands of what remains What is left That holds it all together Falling down to me As I stare in disbelief  Seeing the leaving Of all I thought left of me I look up To the self induced destruction Creeping up Rotting the supports Until I am left in the center of it all Surrounded by the cinder of the fires I lit to keep myself alive The bodies amassed while fighting for my life Smoldering melt of the chains I was forced to forge The smoke burning my nose and eyes I claw my own nails into the soft flesh of the throat Tearing it open to seek some relief Of the ash of past regrets resting there Choking on the things I left unsaid Or the things I was afraid to say They've been there so long I have forgotten I hit my own knees with the crushing weight Of my own quietly committed sins Where do I go ...

Your name snakes it's way down my tongue Twisting about like a dancer on stage A performance that makes a frequent debut  Through the ivory curtains Only once is it held back For the prompting question "What if you two did not exist in the same time?" What if you did not exist at the same time as me? Your soul never gracing mine with its blessed existence? I would want for you Even though I had never seen you I would reach through empty folds in the sheets Seeking your body  Hands outstretched  Seeking the deep sense of comfort you provide I would daydream of snippets of the way you laugh Chasing your figure through the fields of grain in my mind So close my fingertips would brush Never quite meeting the mark I would search for your beauty in the sunsets I would search for your scent in the warm summer wind I would search for the love that ties us together until my last breath. "Thank god, in this lifetime that they are here with me, for what good would my soul be if...

To wonder is to want. To hope is to hurt. To love is to lose. Why is it that they all have to do with you?